Aitou no Shinigami
by The All-Seeing Sharingan
Summary: [Drabble Collection] We all have things we wish we could change, things we wish had never happened. But history can't be changed, and we must live with our choices and shames, even if we would rather die. Rated T to be safe. [SPOILERS]
1. Akane

Okay, here's the deal.

I've seen a lot of drabble collections that I thought were really good, so I decided to make one of my own. This is it, **Aitou no Shinigami**, (Literally translated, it means "Lament of Death Gods,") a collection of different Shinigami's expressions of their regret and sorrow over certain aspects of their past, or things they've done. The overall collection has no specific dedication, but certain chapters may be dedicated to certain people.

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Aitou no Shinigami**

_(**Death God's Lament)**_

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_**Koyanagi Akane**_

Death is more universal than life; Everyone dies, but not everyone lives.

When we lose someone dear to us, the person who meant more to us than any other, we feel as though our entire world has collapsed. It seems as though we will never smile again, that we can do nothing else but cry, and that our lives will be filled with everlasting sorrow. When we have been deserted by family and those we called friends, there is no-one to catch us as we fall and save us from our despair.

He was all I had. My father had never been someone I trusted, and my friends had stopped speaking to me long ago. My mother died when I was a child, and I had no siblings.

His execution never should have happened. He was innocent of the accused crime; they learned this after he died. I knew that he would never purposely take the life of any other Shinigami, let alone another captain's lieutenant, as was the accusation. Aizawa Hakudoushi was a lot of things, but he was not a traitor. I had known him for fifty years, since our academy days; I knew that he wasn't capable of doing something like that.

That is not to say that he was weak. Physically, he could do it. But he _wouldn't_. Hakudoushi may have been a little rough around the edges, but he had strong morals. Ever since our days at school, he would always look out for others, and stand up for those who couldn't do it themselves. Everyone had good things to say about him. Whether the topic was his strength, his technique, or the quality of his leadership, everything said was positive. He was well-known and well-liked; he had few enemies, and even fewer wanted him dead.

I couldn't understand, with all that, how they could execute him with no evidence.

In the years after his death, I have lost all hope. He was everything to me.

When we are bound to this world by our immortality, even when we so desperately long for death, all we are is an empty shell. And when shattered memories and broken dreams are all that remain of a once happy life, what is left for us, then?

Pain. Sorrow. Seclusion. A love that can never be.

I think I'd rather be dead.

**-Owari-**

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_Author's Note_: Akane is one of my Bleach OCs, part of Sixth Division. Hakudoushi's one of my other ones, a former Captain of Seventh Division who was executed for a crime he didn't commit, in other words, the murder of a vice-captain. These two were together (As a couple) until he died, and Akane can't get over his death.

This is just the first part of the **Aitou no Shinigami** drabble collection that I'm writing, I'm going to be putting up a lot more, so watch this space.


	2. Hakudoushi

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**Aizawa Hakudoushi**

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She trusted me, and I hurt her.

When I was accused of that lieutenant's murder, I couldn't believe that I was the prime suspect. I had barely known the boy, why would I have any reason to kill him? They said there were signs of a fire, as if the boy's body had been engulfed in flames, so I can understand why they would at least want to question me; my Zanpakuto was fire-based. But an automatic execution? I never saw that coming.

I saw her there when they killed me. Her division's vice captain and my former best friend, Abarai Renji, and third division's captain, Ichimaru Gin, were holding her back. My heart ached to see her like that. I don't think I had ever seen her cry that hard. I could hear her begging for my life to be spared, but I knew it would make no difference.

Akane had lost so much, already. I didn't want to leave her, like so many others had done. But what could I do?

I didn't fight back, and now I know that I should have. They had insufficient evidence to do this to me. I went to my death quietly, I accepted it, even though I knew it would destroy her. I was sure that if I fought back, it would only make her pain worse. I was already going to die. I didn't want to disgrace myself beforehand.

I couldn't move on after I died. I had to know that she had forgiven me. I still haven't seen her again, after seventy-five years. Now I mostly just wander the human realm, waiting for her. If I stay around long enough, maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to see her smile, one last time.

I don't remember much from my execution. But I remember the last thing I heard.

The last thing I ever heard was her. Screaming for me.

And then, it was over.

If I could do it all again, I wouldn't go so silently to my death. I'd fight, even if it meant exile. At least I'd still be alive, and I know that she would have gone with me.

I wish I had lived, if not for me, then for my love.

Akane, I'm sorry.

**-Owari-**


	3. Toushirou

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_**Hitsugaya Toushirou**_

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I couldn't protect her from him.

He and Ichimaru were in it together the entire time. They tried to kill her, and I couldn't stop them.

We had been so close as children, but ever since she first went away to the Shinigami Academy, we had just been drifting farther away from each other. I attended the school too, starting a little later, and graduating soon after she did.. Even that didn't help me bridge the gap between us; we seem further apart than ever, now.

I won't deny it. When she became Aizen's vice-captain, I got jealous. She rarely spent any time with me anymore, and whenever we spoke, her end of the conversation always had something to do with Aizen. It was always "Captain Aizen" this and "Captain Aizen" that. I hated to hear it. She worshipped the man, and I was nothing to her.

What had happened to us, to the days when we were always together, the days that she was "Bed-wetter Momo," and I was "Shiro-chan," I would often wonder. I still can't understand exactly what came between us. I wish I knew. If I could figure it out, then maybe I could fix what we broke. I miss the old days, when we were never apart, when we spent every waking moment together. I'm not sure now if there _will_ be any more waking moments for her, now. She's been in a coma for at least three weeks, now. I've gone to visit her every day, but she just won't wake up. I spend hours at her bedside, holding her hand, talking to her, but it does no good. I can feel her slipping away from me, her life force draining away as she sinks deeper into unconsciousness. Sometimes I think she doesn't _want_ to wake up.

Occasionally, when I'm with her, I can hear her whispering his name in her sleep. He still haunts her, even in her dreams. No matter how many tears I wipe away, there are always more to follow. Now and then, I can hear her whimper, almost like a lost dog whining for its master. It breaks my heart to know that she's still pining for him, even in the state she is in.

I never thought any one person could have that much power at his disposal. Even my Ban Kai wasn't strong enough to stop him. I need to get stronger, so I can protect her properly next time. I won't let him hurt her again.

Hinamori is everything to me. If she dies, I don't know how I can continue to live.

I love her too much to let her go.

I won't let her die.

I'll keep her safe next time.

_Watashi kisei itto._

**-Owari-**

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_Author's Note_: Here's Toushirou's contribution to this collection, a few of his thoughts on Aizen's betrayal and Hinamori's current situation. The phrase at the end, "_Watashi kisei itto,_" pretty much means "I swear it," a more literal translation being "I vow it." I would have put it in English, but to me, it looked better this way, so this is what I did with it. Next drabble is going to be Hinamori's, and there are likely going to be a lot of spoilers from now on. If you see anything you don't already know, _**STOP READING**. _Unless, of course, you want a few things ruined for you. In which case, read it all.

I managed to get this chapter and the last up within about seven hours of each other, and since this is a drabble collection, I'm likely going to be doing that pretty often. Also, I'm thinking of doing a **Seven Deadly Sins** drabble collection for Ichigo and Rukia, inspired by the YoruHara one written by **NessieGG**. I know at least one person who would love it if I did that, -cough**Kai**cough- but I'd like to know if others would like it, as well, so tell me (In review form) if you want me to do that.

And again, NO POINTLESS REVIEWS. I'm getting them for every story, even when I tell people not to do it, and I'm really starting to get annoyed. It's starting to make me angry that people ignore that request, since nearly every single person who reviews does it.

And would it kill you to not use chatspeak, and to capitalize things properly? It makes my eyes bleed to look at it.

Thanks for your cooperation.


	4. Hinamori

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**Hinamori**

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I can't understand what I did.

I don't know what I could have done to deserve the punishment that Captain Aizen gave me. But I must have done _something_ to warrant this. Captain Aizen would never attack me like that without a good reason.

The gaping wound in my stomach still hasn't completely healed. I feel sick when I think of the cold steel embedding itself in my body, blood gushing from the wound as he pulled his Zanpakuto out and let me drop to the floor. I can still feel the pain so vividly, as though it's only just happened now, instead of three weeks ago.

I woke up yesterday, when the pain was nearly unbearable. Even unconscious, I felt like my insides were on fire.

I started into another coughing fit as soon as I sat up. Everything was completely white; I couldn't see a thing. My vision had been clouded from the pain in my chest.

It was probably just as well that I couldn't see, though I wish I had been deafened, as well.

He sounded so concerned, and if I didn't know Toushirou better, I would say he had been crying. But I know him too well to think that. Toushirou doesn't cry. I don't think I've ever once seen him shed a single tear. And he would have no reason to cry over me.

I know it was wrong of me, but I couldn't help it. The first thing I asked him when I stopped coughing and my sight returned was where Captain Aizen was. I saw the anger in Toushirou's eyes building as he told me that Captain Aizen had gone to Hueco Mundo with Ichimaru-taichou and Kaname-taichou.

When I asked after Kira-kun, he told me that he had taken Ichimaru-taichou's betrayal hard and spent a lot of his time drinking, now. And I saw how my childhood friend's face fell when I didn't ask about _him_ at all. I knew I should have, but this was all too much to process all at once.

I watched him leave without saying another word to me, nor I to him. There was something in his face that I didn't quite understand, that I'm not sure I want to.

I feel terrible, and while he did his best to comfort me, I didn't once stop to think about how he feels.

I get the feeling he's in just as much pain as I am.

**-Owari-**

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_Author's Note_: Sorry I took so long getting this chapter out, I've had a _lot_ of work to do as of late, what with my finals and figuring out how Photoshop works and all that. I think I have a bit of an idea for my HitsuHina story now, though, so that's good. I'm likely going to be really busy from now on, for reasons that are none of your business, but I'll try to update as frequently as possible.

Once again, if you'd like me to do that "Seven Deadly Sins" drabble collection for Ichigo and Rukia, tell me so in review form. And don't just put that in. Give me that and a _real_ review. If you don't have anything else, just tell me by messaging that you want me to do that drabble collection.


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